You’re minding your own business at the beach, when along comes some sun-kissed gypsy with a throaty laugh, fascinating stories, and a confusing accent. Is this one of those famous millenial nomads, roaming the world with an open heart and an ideologically-conflicting collection of tribal tattoos, or a charlatan who’s wanted in 12 countries? It can be surprisingly hard to tell. This is why.
Photo by Jens Schott Knudsen.
1. They have to keep moving
Does your paramour tend to get twitchy when they stay too long in one place? Do you sometimes feel like their mind is elsewhere? Have they picked up unusual travel quirks like obsessively noting the number plates of any car that follows you? Don’t worry. In time you’ll find this charming.
2. They love the thrill of adventure
Bungy-jumping, kite-surfing, abseiling: what’s life without a good high-speed chase?
3. They’re comfortable with the unfamiliar
Wanderers aren’t fussy. Whether they’re sleeping on the floor in a remote village or schmoozing at a classy event, they know that the most important thing is to connect with the people. Criminals share this chameleon-like tendency. You’d also learn to be likeable if it’s the only thing standing between you and a good alibi.
4. They’ve got interesting physical markers
Travellers are clumsy – falling off scooters in Bali, getting bitten by scorpions in Angola, that kind of thing. A life of crime is also physically demanding, so scars are always a talking point. It can also be hard to figure out whether the tribal tattoos signify allegiance to the connectedness of humankind or a criminal underworld. If in doubt, just ask! Nothing could possibly go wrong.
5. They don’t let anything get in their way
When a free spirit gets an idea into his or her head, there’s nothing that can stop them. Including pesky things like visa laws.
6. They’re a jack of all trades
She’ll mention, with a laugh, the summer she spent teaching yoga in Andalucia – despite not having any official credentials. Before long, though, she realised that her soul feels most at peace when soothed by the eternal tides of the ocean, so she’s becoming a diving instructor. This go-with-the-wind attitude to employment can also result in being profiled by Interpol.
7. They’re shirty about where their money comes from
Usually wanderers will chatter away with the unmelodious monotony of a bubbling brook – but the specifics of their income tends to, well, stem the flow. If you persist, you may hear phrases like “the universe finds a way,” “open to new opportunities,” or “bartending in Thailand.” Two of these three answers are also possibly indicative of criminal activity.
8. They’re creative and resourceful
Can he fix anything with a cable-tie? Does she keep a pair of pliers in her bag? Does he know the best way to get a package across the Atlantic without meeting any unnecessary obstacles? Man, these are smart people.
9. They’re well-connected
One of the top necessities for successful felony is a rich worldwide network of like-minded individuals. The only other occupation that offers the same opportunities for making connections is a continuous backpacking habit. Keep that in mind next time you hear a traveller boasting about having “a couch in most major cities on the planet.”
10. They don’t post selfies on Facebook
It’s not that there’s anything wrong with photography, but it does take you out of the moment, putting a filter between you and the experience at hand. Genuine roaming hearts don’t tend to post much on social media: they’re just not interested in boasting, showing off, or being easily tracked by authorities.
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